6 Troubling Signs of Psychological Abuse

Psychological abuse endangers women with “hidden injuries."

Since psychological abuse or coercive tactics are often not easily recognizable or understood as hurtful, women can miss how deeply affected they become. If they do see these effects — changes in their mood or functioning — they often may not look to their partner’s behavior as the cause.

Lila, 34, shared:

     I dread hearing my husband shout at me, “You’re like your mother!” I grew up with a mother who had mental health issues, and early on, I shared this painful history with my husband. Intellectually, I know I’m not like my mother, but emotionally I still feel vulnerable, and my husband knows it. When he attacks me in this way, I become immobilized with shame and can be depressed for days.

Psychological abuse that’s difficult to identify endangers women the most. Unlike physical violence with obvious harm, these “hidden injuries” target a woman’s thoughts, feelings, and perceptions. At the same time, psychological abuse can impact one’s psyche and sense of well-being to the same extent as physical violence. Knowing the devastating effects can lead to identifying an intimate partner’s behavior and seeing it for what it is — coercive abuse. When you do, you’re in the best position to protect yourself.

6 Signs of Harm

Let’s recognize the signs of psychological abuse as they appear during a relationship with a controlling partner. There are many reactions, symptoms, and conditions that result from being abused. I’ve selected six of the most common conditions identified by the majority of the more than 1,000 women who have attended my recovery groups.

Your con­trolling partner creates an experience in your relationship that can cause major negative changes in you, leading to many profound losses:

1. If you were confident and self-assured before your relationship, you’re likely to find yourself suddenly self-doubting and insecure.

2. If you felt grounded and trusted yourself, you are likely to become confused and indecisive.

3. If you were happy and content, you’re apt to feel emotionally exhausted and anxious.

4. If you were competent and thought well of yourself, you may come to feel unsure and incapable.

5. If you once knew what you believed, you’re possibly losing confidence and trust in your own judgment.

6. If you had insecurities, they will only intensify as they are used against you.

These shifts can result in negative emotions that come to feel commonplace, such as fear, terror, shame, and guilt. In addition, mental health conditions can develop, such as depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and trauma. One symptom of trauma is hypervigilance, a state experienced by most women with a controlling partner. You feel tense and stay on high alert when he is around. You may be fearful of doing or saying something he might not like, for you learned it’s emotionally unsafe to disagree. Your ability to have influence and control over your own life slowly diminishes. You may feel like you’re crazy, but you’re not.

Taking Yourself Back: Where to Begin

Getting emotionally stronger helps you move toward feeling empowered and act in your own best interest. Here are three useful steps:

1. Become clear about what is happening in your relation­ship by learning about controlling behaviors, their impact, and how best to respond.

2. Become emotionally stronger by moving out of confusion, and trust how you think, feel, and see things.

3. Feel like yourself again by taking back those parts of yourself that you lost trust in or had to keep hidden in your relationship.

When you no longer feel like the person you once were, or feel worse about yourself than you did before you met your partner, take it seriously. Prioritize yourself the best you can. Once you feel stronger and trust again in your own perception, you'll no longer be vulnerable to psychological abuse from a controlling partner.

Originally appeared at, and full credit for content to Psychology today and:

Carol A. Lambert, MSW, is a psychotherapist and consultant in intimate partner abuse, and the author of Women with Controlling Partners: Taking Back your Life from a Manipulative or Abusive Partner

Link:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mind-games/201708/6-troubling-signs-psychological-abuse?utm_source=FacebookPost&utm_medium=FBPost&utm_campaign=FBPost

The Brutally Honest Difference Between Loving Someone And Being In Love With Someone

To discuss this or any other situation regarding your boyfriend or girlfriend, click below to get more info about us and set an appointment.

www.relationshipintuitive.com

Love is a beautiful and wonderful feeling. It can be the most indescribable and deep emotion that anyone can feel. Despite everyone being able to feel this emotion, there are many that cannot tell the difference between ‘loving someone’ and ‘being in love with someone.’

It’s very common to believe that they are both the same, the passion may feel the same, but what is different is the intentions. So if you are searching for that warm, bubbly feeling, you need to recognize the difference between the two.

With that said, below are the top 8 examples that illustrate the difference between loving someone and being in love with them.

You Choose to Love Someone, Being In Love Isn’t A Choice:

You have all the power when it comes to loving someone. You make a decision based on their personality and you choose to trust their abilities and morals. If things do not work out, then you also have the power to stop loving them and release them from your life. The same cannot be said if you fall in love with someone. It can happen at any time, there will be no warning, and it’s something you cannot walk away from. Even if you manage to walk away, that feeling will stick with you forever, that is how you know that you’re in love with the person.

Love Means Wanting the Best, Being In Love Means Putting Them First:

When you love someone, you will always want the best for them. But does this mean that you are willing to make sacrifices to help them reach their goals? If you are in love with someone, that question doesn’t even cross your mind because you would never have any doubts about it. You would put the person first and do everything in your power to make sure they succeed. But it can also relate to making the person’s life easier. You will do things that would take some stress off the person, like taking more shifts walking the dog or cooking dinner more often.

Love Can End, Being In Love Cannot:

Love does not last forever and can end at any moment. According to statistics, almost 50 percent of married couples in the United States end up divorcing each other at some point. That just proves my point that love on its own can end. Once the honeymoon phase in a relationship is over, that is when things get tough. Arguments ensue, differences begin to rise, but if the couple is in love with each other, they will get past these differences. The reason is that you cannot picture a life without each other.

Loving A Person Means Always Needing Them, Being In Love Means Having A Balance:

Always wanting someone around isn’t a bad thing, it just means you love them and enjoy their company. But when you are in love with someone, you would like to have them around as much as possible, but you do realize that there needs to be a happy balance between you and their personal time. You want them to be happy, so you understand that the balance is necessary. Whether it is giving them time to enjoy their hobbies, or even go out with friends, you know at the end of the day they are coming home to you.

Loving Is a Rush, Being In Love Has Many Emotions:

There are many highs and lows with being in love. The problem is they do not balance each other in a way that makes you feel good. The love can last for a while, but the second there is a problem, it could all go away. It’s like a rollercoaster, but the problem is that the ride eventually ends. But if you are in love with someone, no matter what happens in the relationship, you never feel like things are crashing and burning. The reason is you know that you and your partner will find a way to figure things out because you both are in love with each other.

Loving Means How The Person Makes You Feel, Being In Love Means How You Make Them Feel:

This is one common mistake people often make when it comes to love. When someone is asked, “Why do you love this person?” They often respond with “I like how they make me feel.” That answer is fine, but it doesn’t mean you are in love with the person, it just means you love them. If you are more concerned about how you make your partner feel, then it is true love. You could say that true love means being unselfish and putting your partner before you.

Loving Means Ownership, Being In Love Is A Partnership:

When you love someone, you want the whole world to know that they are yours, so you label them and make them your property. You constantly need them to tell you that they are your girlfriend/boyfriend, and you also need them to constantly tell you that they are yours. When you are in love, labels such as boyfriend and girlfriend do not matter. Both of you do acknowledge that you are an item, but you both do agree that you are your own person.

Loving Is An Uphill Battle, Being In Love Is Simply Effortless:

Often, you will hear someone complain about their relationship. They will say things like “it shouldn’t be this hard,” and there is some truth to that. Naturally, if you really are in love with someone, things shouldn’t be difficult. You shouldn’t have to work overtime to get the spark back or try to stop fighting, these things should never be a problem. I’m not saying that being in love with someone will all be roses and rainbows, but I am saying that the love aspect should never take work. Also, after a rocky month or two, you will still be in love with the person if it is real. Your feelings will have changed, but for the better, because you will feel even closer to your partner.

credit for full content to:

https://www.providr.com/difference-between-love-and-being-in-love/2/